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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29483742">Between the Beats of Your Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/signed_aj/pseuds/signed_aj'>signed_aj</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling, Demisexual Ushijima, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Getting Together, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Mention of a previously manipulative relationship, Pining, Protective Ushijima Wakatoshi, Shirabu and Semi get A MOMENT and that's it, Tendou really tries to beat someone up but Ushi isn't having it, Tendou's an emotional wreck, second chapter is smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:13:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29483742</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/signed_aj/pseuds/signed_aj</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tendou has his days where everything that makes him Tendou seems to falter, and Ushijima has always tried to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Between the Beats of Your Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A fair warning that I don't like the way Ushi is written in fics most of the time so I don't write him incredibly unaware of everything around him like most people do. In the show, he may be dry, but he's not stupid or oblivious. People write fanon Ushi with major autistic characteristics and then don't say he's autistic or do say he's autistic and then write him autistic with little to no knowledge on the topic or reference to it other than the way he talks and that's just really upsetting to me. (I'm not saying that there are not well written autistic Ushi fics, I'm just saying I've read way too many like that) If you don't like the way I write him, that's chill, there's plenty of other Ushiten fics out there for you to read. I just think that he's got some minor issues with social skills and isn't particularly talkative. </p><p>Other than that, please enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For two years, Tendou was something of an anomaly to Ushijima. The way he functioned, worked solely on insane observational skills and instinct. How he never seemed to run out of the energy to practice or sing or dance or anything else he felt inclined to do in the moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What struck him as the strangest part about Tendou, though, was that he’d wanted to be Ushijima’s friend since the day they’d met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their first day of club, when their year had first been introduced to the team and their coach, they’d spent the time learning names and getting basic introductions out of the way. Ushijima had never liked small talk or introductory games like the captain had insisted on playing. He found that they led to misleading first impressions and unneeded information crowding his brain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in their third year, he was sure that knowing Semi’s favorite color was gray was highly unnecessary knowledge. He’d never need to know something so trivial about his setter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In that situation, where Ushijima felt so incredibly uncomfortable with his people skills, Tendou had been the one who’d saved him from his awkwardness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the same confidence that he radiated on the court, he’d told Ushijima that he’d seen him play in middle school and that he was sure that they’d compliment each other nicely. At first, Ushijima had thought that he was crazy. Their personalities and play styles couldn’t be any more different. Though, after a while, he understood what he meant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was their opposing sides that made them so compatible. What Ushijima lacked in social skills, Tendou made up for in energy that bubbled over and washed over anyone he met, even if it wasn’t always in the best way. He pulled Ushijima out of his comfort zone and challenged him in the best ways possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since he was young, friends were often difficult for Ushijima to come by. Even the people he’d spend hours practicing with every single day, people that had to trust him and that he had to trust in return, they didn’t often seem eager to spend an excess amount of time around him and his dry personality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou had been the first to break down that wall, offering a hand of friendship before anyone else had. For two years, Ushijima had found himself following Tendou into new territories of friendship that he’d never gotten far enough to experience. From little things like inviting him to events that Semi or Ohira had assumed he wouldn’t want to partake in to giving him a birthday present in his first year, the first he’d ever received from someone he wasn’t related to. Tendou had always been there, even if Ushijima was sometimes overwhelmed or annoyed by his presence, he could never deny that Tendou was a devoted friend and he’d always be grateful for the company he brought.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until their third year that Ushijima truly started to understand him, though. As they did every year, students shifted to new dormitories so that they could ‘experience new people’ as the school always put it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima had not minded his previous two roommates, though neither of them seemed to like him very much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His first year roommate had been a baseball player, and they rarely crossed paths except at night when both of their practices had finished. Even then, they’d be too busy with homework to interact. The few times they had, Ushijima had not been interested in his random movie trivia and talk of baseball which seemed to bother his roommate quite a bit, eventually leading to an overall silence throughout their dorm unless his roommate was watching a movie or Ushijima was watching playbacks of his most recent games. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second roommate had been an avid video game player. He and Ushijima immediately had started off on a bad foot when Ushijima accidentally stepped on a game he’d left on the floor and crushed it. He’d felt bad, replacing the game as quickly as he could, but the roommate never seemed to forgive him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His third year, though, he’d walked into his new dorm to find Tendou lounging on the top bunk of their now shared bed, grinning wildly. “Hey, roomie!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that, they’d grown significantly closer than they had the previous two years. Their casual hang outs and conversations about their childhoods had turned into nights spent laying on the floor next to each other while they ate takeout and talked about bits of themselves that they’d seldom brought up to other people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima had also been quick to learn that the bubbly exterior that Tendou displayed almost constantly to the people on the team was not as consistent as he’d originally believed. There were days that they’d get back from a long practice, and while Ushijima spent hours on homework, Tendou laid in bed and stared at the ceiling silently, thinking about things that he would not talk about even if Ushijima offered a listening ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not to worry, Toshi,” he’d say softly, not moving from his spot even in the slightest. “Everything’s perfectly fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Other days, when the somber mood had carried over into practice, Ushijima had learned that the best thing to do was to pry just enough for Tendou to speak even vaguely of what was plaguing his mind. If he didn’t, that sadness would carry over into the dead of night when he thought Ushijima was asleep. In those hours left lying with his own thoughts without anyone to hear, he would let out shaking breaths that eventually turned into him hyperventilating and sobbing into blankets to muffle the noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima had decided that he’d never tell Tendou he’d heard many of his panic attacks in just the half a year that they’d been roommates. Instead, he’d opted to try to prevent them. He’d say he was going on a run and come back with takeout from a restaurant close to campus and a pint of the fancy chocolate ice cream that Tendou could never turn down no matter how small his appetite or how gloomy his mood. When he got back, Ushijima would climb up onto the top bunk with Tendou and sit by his feet while he made him a small plate that wouldn’t overwhelm him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw a squirrel on my run,” he announced, spooning out some rice into a small bowl. “It was bright red, so I thought of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou rolled his head to the side so that he could look at Ushijima with dark eyes. He didn’t answer, so Ushijima continued to tell him about a lady he saw walking her dog. The dog hadn’t reminded him of Tendou, though it was cute and he was sure that if Tendou were with him, he would have wanted to pet it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The lady at the restaurant gave me two free meat buns. She said that she sees you and I more often than almost any of her other customers. We do go in quite a lot, I guess. At least twice a week at this point,” he rambled, tearing one of the meat buns in half and setting it on Tendou’s plate with a small pile of noodles and the bowl of rice. “She wanted to make sure you got one too, even though you weren’t there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled apart a pair of chopsticks and set them on the plate, sliding it across Tendou’s bed. Tendou stared at it for a long while, and Ushijima started on his own plate to ease the pressure of being watched while he ate. He glanced up just long enough to watch Tendou roll onto his side and pick up the half a meat bun Ushijima had given him. He picked it apart, pulling at the filling sticking out of the open end and putting a small piece in his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima couldn’t help but smile a little. Getting Tendou to eat anything aside from ice cream when he was in one of his moods was truly an accomplishment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Ushi,” he croaked out, hardly meeting Ushijima’s eyes as he took a small bite of the meat bun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ate in silence until Tendou had nearly cleaned his plate. Ushijima caught him eyeing the ice cream sitting in a freezer bag and pulled it out with a spoon, handing the entire carton to Tendou. Ushijima had always preferred strawberry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou reached out a hand and Ushijima took it, helping to pull him up into a sitting position so he could take the ice cream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the good kind,” Tendou observed, looking at the label.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You get the most excited over that one, so I figured it was better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “It’s made with better quality chocolate. There’s no artificial flavoring or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s too rich for me,” Ushijima said, finishing his plate and dumping the trash into an empty bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because you prefer strawberry,” Tendou said, taking a small spoonful in his mouth. His lips edged on a smile and Ushijima’s heart sped up slightly in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d never get tired of seeing Tendou smile, especially after so many hours without it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou pulled his knees to his chest and curled around his ice cream protectively as he ate. Ushijima finished cleaning up, dropping the bag of trash over the edge of the bed and willing himself to remember to throw it away when he climbed down. He shifted so that his back was against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest in the same way Tendou was sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He fidgeted with a loose string on his jacket while Tendou ate, finishing about a quarter of the carton before lidding it and handing it back to Ushijima. He placed it back in the freezer bag and dropped it over the side as well, hoping that it’d stay cold for as long as he was sitting with Tendou.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou stayed curled up, picking at the athletic tape on his fingers that he rarely bothered taking off after practices anymore. His eyes drifted slowly from the tape to meet Ushijima’s eyes. He swallowed and looked back down before Ushijima had even started to say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima stared at him, looking over the way Tendou’s skin was completely void of color, almost looking gray. He always looked sick when he got sad, like he’d just come down with some truly awful flu. Ushijima couldn’t even imagine the kind of whirlwind of emotions inside of him that could cause such awful physical effects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tendou,” he started softly, drawing Tendou’s eyes back up to his. Ushijima let out a sharp sigh. “You’ve got chocolate on your lips.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s face twisted with embarrassment, and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The chocolate stayed framing the edges of his lips no matter how many times he rubbed the back of his hand against them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here-” Ushijima let his legs stretch out in front of him and leaned forward. He hesitated for a moment before taking Tendou’s chin between his fingers. He licked his thumb and brought it to Tendou’s lips, gently rubbing away the chocolate at the corners of his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he pulled back, the pale of Tendou’s face was suddenly dusted with pink. He looked away again, wrapping his arms around his knees and resting his chin on top of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” Ushijima asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not great,” Tendou admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen? Like at school? Or with someone on the team?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No. It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always say it’s nothing whenever it is something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou let out a cold laugh that rose goosebumps on Ushijima’s skin. “You know me too well, Ushijima. I can’t hide from you any longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to make sure you’re alright,” Ushijima said, doing his best to ignore the dry sarcasm that Tendou only used when he was frustrated. Ushijima was never sure if Tendou knew how much the small digs bothered him, but he never felt like bringing it up when the only time they were used was when he was intruding on Tendou’s personal life and space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face softened a bit. “I know it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am here, Tendou,” he reminded, reaching out and resting a hand on his knee. “If you need someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou looked at his hand like he’d never seen anything like it in his life. He slowly shifted one of his hands to rest on top of Ushijima’s. His long fingers wrapped around his hand, squeezing it slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it,” he repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared back at Ushijima, though after a few moments his eyes grew unfocused and wide and Ushijima was unsure if Tendou was really looking at him at all. He could see the tears welling up in his dark eyes before Tendou pulled back from wherever his thoughts had led him and blinked back the tears, dipping his head again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wakatoshi?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you- will you lay with me?” Tendou stammered, peering up at him from behind his lashes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima didn’t answer for a moment, caught off guard by this request. Several times in the past they’d fallen asleep on the floor or on Ushijima’s bunk while watching TV and woken up wrapped around each other come morning. That had never been intentional, though Ushijima couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the warmth of Tendou’s body pressed against him as he slept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was something different. Not only intentional, but during a time when he could see Tendou’s struggle plastered across his face like their favorite show on a flat screen TV. This was comfort for a friend who’d done more for him in two and half years than some people had done in his entire school career.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” he agreed. He pulled his hand from the warmth of Tendou’s knee and leaned over the edge of the bed, flipping off the light switch and leaving them with nothing but the little daylight still slipping through the blinds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou laid down again, rolling onto his side like he had been when he was eating. Ushijima carefully maneuvered himself behind Tendou’s body, the bed creaking with the weight of his movement. He laid his head on Tendou’s extra pillow and did his best not to touch him, worried that he’d make him uncomfortable with any unwanted contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this alright?” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou looked over his shoulder and frowned, shimmying back so that he was partially pressed against Ushijima’s front. Ushijima sucked in a stiff breath, letting Tendou get comfortable against him. When he’d stopped moving, his shoulders hunched forward a bit and he let out a frustrated sigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to get closer?” Ushijima asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima swallowed, feeling his already heavy beating heart start to race. He wrapped an arm around Tendou’s thin waist and used the extra stability to pull them flush against one another. Tendou tensed slightly, gripping onto the arm wrapped around him as Ushijima situated himself. Ushijima’s face pressed into the back of Tendons neck, breathing in the scent of his shampoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tension in Tendou’s body dissipated slowly, but he didn’t let go of Ushijima’s arm. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you comfortable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou hand slid down his arm, lacing their fingers when he reached his hand. He nodded. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima wasn’t tired in the slightest, though Tendou’s warmth against him made the concept of going to sleep before eight o’clock a little more bearable. He thought of the bag of trash that was still on the floor and how Tendou’s ice cream was melting in its carton every moment he stayed wrapped around him. He’d just buy him some more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toshi?” Tendou asked softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever been in love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he answered with little thought. “You’re the closest I’ve ever been to another person that’s not family.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou didn’t respond to this. For minutes, Ushijima listened to the sound of his breathing and the way his nose whistled a little when he let out particularly heavy breaths. He felt Tendou’s thumb running soft circles over his skin, the only indication that he was still awake at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou took in a particularly deep breath and shifted a little. Ushijima tightened his arm around him to try to combat his restlessness. He stilled, fingers gripping Ushijima’s tighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope not,” he responded hoarsely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima wasn’t sure what this meant. Tendou had very rarely mentioned relationships in all the time Ushijima had known him. There was the night he’d come home late and tipsy after a party and boldly announced to Ushijima that he was suddenly very sure that he was not just bisexual as he had previously thought, but very, very gay. Other than that, Tendou had only mentioned anything to do with romance in passing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d say that he found certain TV characters attractive and ask if Ushijima felt the same (he never did) or mention wishing that he had a date for certain parties or gatherings he was attending, but never going out of his way to find one for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you think you were in love with someone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever kissed someone, Wakatoshi?” Tendou asked, ignoring his question completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” Ushijima felt his skin heating up just slightly. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re about to turn eighteen and you’ve never kissed anyone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima could tell that there was no malice in Tendou’s voice. It was curiosity, and it was valid. Ushijima often wondered the same thing of himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never met anyone I wanted to kiss,” he admitted. “I’ve never had the urge to kiss someone I’m not in a relationship with, and I’ve never been in a relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does intimacy scare you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fear was always an emotion that Ushijima struggled with. He didn’t like fear and the challenges it brought, so he’d often try to replace it with other things. Being scared was not often something he’d confront head on but rather try and work around, break down the things around it until it too dissolved. He’d never figured out how to work around intimacy when the things around it scared him just as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Being close enough to people to open a door to intimacy isn’t something I’ve ever been comfortable with. Relationships are a distraction from more important things. If it’s not with someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, why waste your energy on it when you could be using that energy on something that’s going to benefit you in the future?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like volleyball?” Tendou asked, snickering slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima smiled a little, pulling Tendou even closer without much thought. “Yes. That’s what I was implying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What would someone have to be to you for you to want to waste your energy on a relationship with them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I was in a relationship with someone, it’d only because I knew my energy was going towards something long term.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou nodded. “That’s what I meant. What would someone have to do to be that person for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In all of his life, Ushijima had only thought about the possibility of relationships when his parents brought it up to him. They’d mention the daughter of his father’s boss, the captain of the girl’s volleyball team, or a girl he’d gone to middle school with that’d just moved back into town. They’d even gone as far as to set him up on three different blind dates that had ended with the girl either leaving angry over something he’d said, slapping him because of something he’d said, or trying to kiss him and getting pushed away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d always ended up more devastated by the results of the dates than he had. When the girls would leave, he’d get to go back to his dorm and watch a movie with Tendou, which was far less stressful. He never had to think as much when he and Tendou talked. He could say the first thing that came to his head or nothing at all, and Tendou never seemed to mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If someone had to do something to get me to like them, then they aren’t worth it. I’m not going to change myself either. I don’t want it to be hard to be with someone. You’re supposed to put in work, I know that, but if it’s a struggle every day, if it makes you hurt more than anything else it makes you feel, then why is it worth it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou rolled his head back so that he was looking at Ushijima. “It’s not worth it. Speaking from experience, it’s really not worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Save your first kiss and everything else for someone special, Toshi. Someone who likes you for you because you deserve as much,” he said, smiling softly. “Don’t waste something so important on someone who doesn’t deserve you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” he agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou gave him a curt nod and rolled back over to bury his face into his pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tendou?” He didn’t respond, so Ushijima continued. “You deserve more than you give yourself credit for. You shouldn’t waste your energy on people who don’t love you for every part of yourself. Even the parts that you don’t like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air stilled. Ushijima’s arm on Tendou’s chest stopped lifting and falling with his breathing, because he wasn’t breathing. Tendou’s cheeks were puffed up, holding air within them. Ushijima counted the seconds in his head. Panic started setting in when the number grew far too high and Tendou’s face started to darken, visible even with the little light coming through their curtains. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it,” he grunted, squeezing Tendou around the middle to try and push the air out in some way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s lips formed a small ‘O’, letting out the breath in spurts. With the breath came an empty laugh. “Thanks,” he chuckled when he’d let out all the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you holding your breath?” he snapped. Tendou’s hand tightened in his and Ushijima felt his frustration dissipate. “Did I say something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Toshi,” Tendou sighed, his voice sounding broken without his laugh. His thumb brushed across Ushijima’s hand, sending goosebumps up his arms. “Not at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he often did, Ushijima found himself not knowing what to say. So many people had pegged him for the ‘strong but silent’ type, but that wasn’t really true. He didn’t particularly like being quiet. It made him seem mean or cold, distant even. In truth, he just didn’t know what to say most of the time. People’s emotions were fragile, and if he could avoid saying something that might damage them in some way, he would. Even if that meant not saying anything at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This didn’t happen as much with Tendou as it did with most people. When he opted into silence around Tendou, it was purely because he found anything that Tendou had to say far more interesting than any of the mundane thoughts inside his own head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In this silence, though, he wished he could say something. He wanted to offer comforting words to combat whatever was making him hurt so badly, but his brain felt entirely empty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they stayed silent. Ushijima watched the numbers flick by on the alarm clock on the desk. Watched as minutes after minutes turned into half an hour turned into an hour. The sky darkened from gray-blue slipping through the cracks in the curtains to pink to nothing. Darkness swept the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou didn’t move once. His body was stiff in Ushijima’s arms, so he knew he was still awake. He could even see Tendou eyes open and close in steady blinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The clock changed again, and they’d been laying there for an hour and a half.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima could feel sleep tugging at him. He was so warm pressed against Tendou’s body, Tendou’s hand in his. He closed his eyes, trying to force himself to relax into the unfamiliar mattress. Instead, he was drawn to the warmth, leaning even further forward to relax against Tendou on instinct. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou still didn’t move. He seemed completely unphased by Ushijima. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made a thought very present in his mind: He would not go to sleep until Tendou did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou sucked in several deep breaths, so deep that at first Ushijima thought he might be falling asleep. Then they grew shallow as time went on, and Ushijima’s brain reeled back to all the times he’d heard Tendou’s shallow breathing turn into hyperventilating before this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of those times he’d done nothing but lay on his back and will Tendou to find comfort in something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything,</span>
  </em>
  <span> even if Ushijima hadn’t been the one to give it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This could be different. He wanted it to be different for Tendou’s sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ideas of how he could possibly help flickered through his head. He thought of maybe just asking how he could help, but he didn’t want to risk being pushed away if Tendou came to the realization that Ushijima had been awake for all of his prior panic attacks and done nothing to comfort him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brain felt fuzzy. Useless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I…” He snapped his mouth shut when nothing helpful came out of his mouth like he’d hoped it would. Tendou’s breathing halted again, though it didn’t seem as though he was holding it in, just trying to hide how fast it’d gotten in the time Ushijima had been contemplating a solution. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been thinking of getting a plant for the dorm,” he blurted, feeling foolish the moment it left his mouth. For whatever reason, he couldn’t stop talking despite how dumb he felt. “Only if you want to, though. It is a large responsibility, and I know both of us are quite busy. I’ve been doing some research on plants that are well suited for dorm life. Given our large window, it opens up far more possibilities than most might have with smaller or no windows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s breathing picked up again, though it wasn’t strained or too quick like it had been before. It was just fast enough to almost match Ushijima’s own breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continued, “The obvious choice would be some kind of cacti, I suppose. They’re almost impossible to kill. I’ve never liked them, though. Maybe that’s only because I fell into one as a child and now I hold some kind of prejudice. I’ve thought about the possibility of a Zanzibar Gem. They’re simple and don’t require that much attention, but I felt you might get bored with it since the flowers it produces aren’t much to look at. That made me think about flowers that remind me of you, be it because of their vibrancy or color. I think, that is, if you’re open to the idea, that an Anthurium could be a good choice for us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima paused for a moment, offering Tendou the chance to speak up if he wanted to. He said nothing, nor did he move more than the steady rise and fall of his chest that came with his deep breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has these beautiful, bright red flowers. They’re the same shade of red as your hair, that’s what made me think of them. They’re quite easy to take care of, though we’d have to keep the blinds open for most of the day to assure it gets enough sunlight. Oh, and the amount of water it takes can be the slightest bit finicky, but we can get a gauge that tells us exactly how much water it has and we can judge it from there. I just hope that it doesn’t become too much of a burden on you if I’m away for a few days at a time for different things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he paused this time, he didn’t bother continuing. The soft snores slipping from Tendou’s mouth were enough to assure him that wasn’t as stupid as he felt for bringing up plants at such a sensitive moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima let out a relieved breath and let himself rest his forehead against Tendou’s shoulder. A warmth unrelated to Tendou’s body heat, but not unrelated to Tendou slowly spread through him, starting in his chest and working itself all the way to the tips of his fingers, still laced with Tendou’s. It brought on a calm unlike anything that Ushijima had ever felt in an attempt to fall asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Between the cadence of Tendou’s breathing and the warmth that had spread to every inch of his body, Ushijima slept soundly throughout the entirety of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Semi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever been in love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Semi raised his gaze from the food in front of him to meet Ushijima’s eyes. “Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked if you’ve ever been in love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s what I thought you said,” he grumbled, shifting in his spot at the table. His eyes were dark, reflecting the storm clouds that had been rolling over the campus since morning. “Before I answer that, why do you ask, Ushijima?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima pursed his lips. “It’s been brought to my attention that even if I was in love, I’m sure that I’d know it. I don’t know what it feels like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there someone specific on your mind?” Ohira questioned, a smirk tugging at his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima glanced towards Tendou sitting next to him, completely disengaged from the conversation as he picked at his food with his chopsticks. Despite being driven from his panic attack and waking up rested, his mood had yet to lift since the previous night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cool breeze swept the table, everyone rushing to grab their trash before it was blown away. Tendou’s hair ruffled and a wrapper drifting off the edge of the table and onto the ground. When Tendou made no move to pick it up, Ushijima did, setting it under Tendou’s drink so it wouldn’t fly away again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima looked back to Semi. “I’ve yet to determine that for myself. That’s why I asked you if you’ve ever-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Semi said, taking a breath. “Well, for most people, I’d say that you kind of just know when you’re in love, but I feel like that might not be as true for you” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shirabu snorted a laugh and dipped his head, staring down at his food to hide both the amusement and the pain on his face from an elbow in the side from Semi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love is really complicated, and I’m sure it’s a different feeling for everyone. I think for me, it’s the feeling of being safe with someone. Knowing you don’t have to worry about anything. Whether it’s intentions, loyalty, even commitment to the integrity of your relationship.” He chewed his lip and looked down at his tray. Ushijima thought he might have finished his explanation before he resumed, not looking up from his tray. “My grandmother used to tell me that if you hold someone’s hands and you feel sparks, they’re not the one. You’ll know they’re the one when you hold their hand and you feel safe. I think that impacted the way I think about things quite a lot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so lame,” Shirabu whined, the redness in his cheeks burning a trail all the way down his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I now?” Semi asked, raising a brow at him. “Well, tell us Shirabu, have you ever been in love? What was it like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shirabu shook his head and looked back down. “You’re the worst.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Answer the question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, yes! I have. You wanna hear about it? Let’s play: share our deepest, darkest emotions with the table, why don’t we? Let’s see, what’s love for me?” he snapped sarcastically. “Love is like being on fire all the time. It’s like every inch of my skin that has been touched by that person had been drenched with gasoline and they’re a match. It’s feeling like I’m going to throw up every time I look into their eyes, no matter the situation, because every emotion I feel for them is so intense that it overwhelms all of my sensations. Love is hard, and it’s stupid, and sometimes I wish I’d never found it because it makes me dizzy, but every time I think like that I regret it because if I ever lost it, I’d hate myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Semi’s lips twitched up into a smile while the rest of the table looked upon Shirabu dumbfounded. “Awe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” he groaned, running a hand down my face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should write poetry, Shirabu,” Goshiki said. “That was beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving!” Shirabu stacked his trash on his lunch tray and threw his bag over his shoulder, but Semi put a hand on his shoulder and forced him back into his seat before he could get any further. “I’m staying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I thought.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get the answer you were looking for, Toshi?” Tendou asked, looking up from his food for the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that love is like being lit on fire, but feeling safe while it’s happening?” Ushijima asked slowly, raising an eyebrow at Semi and Shirabu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou let out a dry laugh. “Good job, guys. You’ve taught him well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You try, then!” Semi suggested, looking at Tendou expectantly. “Explain what love feels like to Ushijima.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile slid off of Tendou’s face. He turned his head to face Ushijima. “That’s probably a bad idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you don’t know if you’ve ever loved someone?” Ushijima asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know what I’d tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what you think it should feel like,” he suggested. “Something that you’ve yet to have happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Tendou chewed his lip for a moment, glancing around at all the eyes pinned to him. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he turned in his seat to face Ushijima. He raised both hands, pressing one to Ushijima’s chest, right where his heart was beating heavy in his chest, and the other in the same spot on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your heart beats naturally slower because you’re an athlete, right? Most of ours do, but yours is scary low sometimes. Love is often conceived as something that’s more than just a feeling, something that’s meant to be. If that’s true, then the person you’re meant to be with’s heart won’t beat at the same time as yours, but in the spaces between your own heartbeat. They’re meant to be your other half, fill in all the spaces where you lack. Their heartbeat should too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one at the table spoke when Tendou finished speaking and Ushijima understood why. It was hard to comprehend the moments when Tendou was serious outside of intense matches or laying on his back on the top bunk in their dorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed to notice the way everyone was staring, jaws dropped in disbelief. His cheeks looked like they’d been hit with the same color that had stained his hair the beaming red that it was. Tendou pulled his hands back from Ushijima’s chest and started collecting the contents of his lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get something from the vending machine before class starts,” he mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was…” Goshiki started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bizarre,” Kawanishi said before Goshiki could finish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the word I was gonna use,” Goshiki snapped, glaring at him. “Am I the only one who thinks he seems sad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ohira looked at Ushijima, worry creased between his brows. “He’s been quiet since practice last night. You know we’ve got a practice game tonight. Do you think he’ll be alright?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima sighed and collected his own trash. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’ll go talk to him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like me to go with you?” Ohira asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima shook his head. “No, thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He collected his tray and followed behind Tendou’s slow pace towards the trans cans outside of the cafeteria. When Ushijima made it to the trash cans, Tendou was still emptying his tray with shaking hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not used to you being so poetic,” he said, hardly drawing Tendou’s attention. He stacked his tray with the others on a shelf above the trash can, and Ushijima did the same. “Are you worried about the practice game tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s shoulder tensed, and he snapped his head towards Ushijima. His eyes were wide with distaste. “No. Why would I be?” he nearly growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you have a reason to be, that’s why I was asking. We’ve played this team every year. Won once, lost once. We’ve finally got a chance to break the tie. You talked about that for weeks after we lost to them last year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember,” Tendou said softly. “Are you- are you worried about their first years? I mean, I know it’s a college team so they’re only a year older than us, but that just means we might have played against them in real matches. Not just practice matches.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima cast him a confused look. “Why does that matter? Real matches or not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just more people who probably have something against us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou stopped in front of the vending machine, but didn’t move for his money. Ushijima watched his eyes unfocus, thoughts ricocheting so fast through his brain that Ushijima wouldn’t have been able to catch them if he tried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tendou?” he called, resting a hand on Tendou’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou shifted his focus, staring at Ushijima for a moment before he snapped back, blinking a few times to recenter himself. He looked at Ushijima’s hand on his shoulder and then to the vending machine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Toshi.” He pulled out his money, slipping a few coins too many into the vending machine and punching a button. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you worried about the first years on the team?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Nope. Just a thought I had.” The bell signalling that lunch was over rang over the courtyard where many students ate lunch. Tendou took his purchase from the vending machine and waved to Ushijima. “See you at practice, Toshi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he agreed, swallowing a growing lump in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s strange behaviors very rarely worried Ushijima. Even when he was sad, Ushijima knew that he would get over it by morning. Even when he was verging on being too hyper, too excited for the situation, Ushijima knew that Tendou would reel it back in before it became a problem. Even when he was completely off his game, Ushijima knew that he’d pull back in time to win. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s strange behaviors very rarely worried Ushijima.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was worried about him now. Not just for the sake of the practice game inching closer with every passing hour, but for the sake of Tendou, seemingly declining with every word he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When practice rolled around, Tendou was over twenty minutes late with no explanation. He changed quickly, ran the ten lap punishment Coach dealt him with no complaints, did his stretches alone in a corner, and didn’t say more than five words the entire time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima felt the worry that had been simmering during class rise back into his chest, burning his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He met Tendou by the benches where he was wrapping his fingers. The tape that had been there at lunch was long gone, probably picked off during classes. Tendou hardly glanced up at him, though Ushijima could see that his lashes were stuck together in clumps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you been crying?” he asked, low enough that no one around them could hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou didn’t answer, still looking down at the tape he’d been struggling with for minutes before Ushijima joined him. His hands were shaking even harder than they had been at lunch, hardly able to hold the tape between his fingers let alone pick the end loose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten,” Ushijima sighed, cupping his hands around Tendou’s. “Let me help you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou didn’t argue, letting Ushijima take the sports tape from his hands and easily start to unroll it. He took one of Tendou’s hands, holding it tight enough that his pointer finger was easy to manage as he wrapped it. His middle finger was a little more difficult, shaking despite his hand being held in place, but Ushijima managed, doing the same thing to the other hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he muttered, voice cracking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou left him standing there as he joined the team for warm ups. Ushijima twirled the tape between his fingers a few times, trying his best to ignore the way that his skin still felt warm despite Tendou’s hands having long left his. It was like the lingering warmth of holding your hands in front of a fireplace, the warmth still trapped deep beneath your skin, seeping out even after you’ve pulled your hands away from the fire and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ushijima!” Coach Washijou yelled from his spot on the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are Semi and Shirabu?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima turned towards the team, scanning for them. “I’m not sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were talking towards the club room when I got here,” Tendou said, sending a weak serve over the net. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou just shrugged and turned away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go look for them,” Ushijima sighed, leaving for the club room. The door was cracked when he arrived, giving almost a perfect view of the two boys standing inside. He edged the door open, opening his mouth to say something, but snapping it shut when he got a closer view of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were standing so close that the tips of their shoes were touching. Both of their eyes were closed, though he could hardly see this given that their foreheads were pressed together as they whispered soft words to one another. Both had a hand pressed to the other’s chest, right where their hearts would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima backed up, suddenly very aware that what he was seeing was not for his eyes. He hurried back down the stairs and to the gym as quietly as his feet could take him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you find them?” Coach Washijou asked, crossing his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are they doing that’s so important they have to be skipping practice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ll be back soon,” he said, praying to every god imaginable that Coach wouldn’t repeat his question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Ushijima joined the team for warm ups, Ohira grinned at him. “You’re pale, Ushijima. What happened? Semi yell at you or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was just before the other team arrived that Shirabu and Semi made their return. Shirabu’s cheeks were considerably more red than they normally were, but no one seemed to notice except Ushijima, and he knew better than to point this out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Coach Washijou stood to greet the other team’s coach, and they all gathered to discuss their plan while the other team warmed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Ohira announced. “From what we’ve seen from them before, they’ve got good blockers and their third year libero is nothing to laugh at. We know that they’re ace graduated last year, but unfortunately they did manage to get Aoba Johsai’s ace among the rest of their first years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The team glanced up to look at the far too tall ace that they’d played several times the year before. He was good, perfect technique and natural born athleticism. His spikes were intense from what they’d seen the year before, but Shiratorizawa had still taken the prefecture ticket to nationals while Aoba Johsai sulked in yet another defeat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s number nine, right?” Kawanishi asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nagawara Kenichi,” Ohira agreed. “His spikes are intense, so blockers need to stay on his ass. Tendou, you’ve been able to read Nagawara pretty well in the past, right?” He looked up to Tendou, but Tendou was staring at his hands, hardly even breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The energy of the group shifted in an instant. Without Tendou’s raging energy, everything was far more tense than normal. With Tendou off his game, everyone knew their jobs were about to get ten times as hard as they normally were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was a representative for Youth World with you, wasn’t he?” Semi asked, eyes shifting from Tendou’s hunched form to Ushijima. Everyone seemed to take a breath in that moment, feeling the tension shatter like a glass bubble around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima nodded, forcing his eyes from Tendou as well. “He was one of the best players we had. I’m not surprised that he got into a powerhouse school like this one. But remember, we need to stay conscious of the entirety of the team, not just on Nagawara. We play to our strengths, we break the tie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone seemed content with this, going back to warm ups without another word. Tendou stayed standing next to Ushijima, eyes trained on his fingers. Ushijima nudged him, holding out his hand for a high five. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Break the tie,” he urged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou looked between Ushijima’s face and his hands and nodded, gently clapping their hands together. “Break the tie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite his agreement, Tendou’s mood didn’t improve and his playing was some of the worst that Ushijima had seen the entire time they’d known each other. His movements were sluggish, hardly breaking into a jog at the best of moments. He was quite obviously letting Kawanishi lead their blocks, which while he was talented, his instincts and observational skills were nowhere near as finely tuned as Tendou’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The one thing that really stuck out to Ushijima was Tendou’s hesitation to stay on the same side of the court at the spiker, Nagawara. With most of the sets going straight to him and his spikes as strong as they were, they needed Tendou to stay right on him, but he wasn’t. Anytime Kawanishi seemed to be going for Nagawara, Tendou wouldn’t. He’d jump a low block for a decoy that obviously wasn’t getting the ball. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Semi came in as a pinch server, Tendou seemed more than relieved to be stepping off the court. Ushijima’s throat felt tight at the sight. The only thing Tendou ever liked about being subbed out was getting to sing to his teammates from the sidelines, but he was not singing. He was trying his hardest to look as though he didn’t even exist amongst the other benchwarmers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima caught Coach Washijou’s eye in just the right way. He quickly called for a timeout and the team seemed unsurprised when Ushijima pulled Tendou out of earshot of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to make you play in this game if you don’t want to,” he snapped, crossing his arms. “If you don’t want to be here-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do want to be here!” Tendou cried, voice quivering as he ran a hand through his hair. “I do! I want to play with you and the team. I want to break the tie. I told you that I do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then play like you want that. If you keep this up, I’m going to have to-” Ushijima thought carefully about his words. “I’m going to have to send you back to the dorm so you can rest. I can’t keep watching you struggle like you are right now. It worries me, Ten. It worries the whole team. You know I have to take that into account-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou rested a hand on Ushijima’s arm and lifted his head to meet his eyes. “I know, Toshi. I’ll- I’ll do better, alright? Stop worrying about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With this, Tendou moved back on the sidelines where he’d wait for him and Semi to switch back. There was a sudden intensity in his form as he stretched out his arms and stared straight ahead. Relief bubbled in Ushijima’s chest, replacing just a bit of the worry that had only intensified with Tendou’s awfully playing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded at Coach Washijou and the team followed him back on the court to prepare for Semi’s serve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lead the other team had taken at the beginning of the set was far too wide to catch up despite their best efforts. Even with Tendou’s performance doing a complete tailspin into something Ushijima would consider Nationals worthy, it wasn’t enough to win the set. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Ohira assured everyone that the game was not lost. With Tendou blocking out nearly every single one of Nagawara’s serves now that his head was in the game, they were on the path to winning the next set and the one after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing really well,” Ushijima told Tendou when the team spread to prepare for the next set in the little time they had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou tilted his head up, catching Ushijima’s eye. His gaze was so dark, so sharp that Ushijima felt a tremor of discomfort run up his spine. He’d never seen such intensity behind Tendou’s usually playful and amused eyes. He didn’t respond to Ushijima’s compliment, but nodded his acknowledgement of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Part of Ushijima wanted to find what had flipped. He wanted to delve into whatever was bringing out such an extreme part of Tendou that he’d never seen before. He wanted to bring back all the parts of Tendou that made games less stressful for him and the rest of the team. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other part of him had a sneaking suspicion that if he pressed, Tendou would regress back to how he’d been at the beginning of the game, which he didn’t want to risk. They needed him in order to secure their victory and break the tie. He could only keep hope that a victory would be enough to snap Tendou out of his sadness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first half of the second set, Tendou’s intensity ran through the team like electricity. Not only was he knocking every spike back into the face of the person who hit it, it seemed everyone else was doing everything they could not to be left in his dust. The sets were crisp, receives solid, and Ushijima was slamming spike after spike to the ground with very little issue getting past the blockers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One particularly long rally seemed to set a fire under every single person on the court. Even the most impossible balls were being dug up on both sides, set back over the next with powerful spikes that came right back at them a moment later. It only ended when Tendou found himself in a duel against Nagawara. Time seemed to freeze the moment the ball slipped over Nagawara’s fingers and onto the floor, nearly missing their libero’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them hit the floor, but neither moved away from the net. Tendou’s dark eyes bore into the vibrant blue of the ace’s on the other side of the net. Neither of them spoke, neither of them moved. Ushijima thought for a second that Tendou was holding his breath again, like he had been in his bed the night before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until Shirabu slapped him on the back that he snapped back, eyes lowering to his fingers as he walked away and adjusted his athletic tape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Satori,” Nagawara’s cool voice called from where he was still standing. Tendou’s eyes didn’t raise, but his fingers stilled, proving that he was listening. “You’re not gonna win this one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone’s eyes were pinned to Tendou. He didn’t react for what seemed like an eternity. Then he raised his eyes, letting them drift to all of his teammates before finally settling on Ushijima, readying to serve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Serve up a good one, Wakatoshi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For nine more points, Tendou almost seemed like himself again. He was humming to himself, high fiving, and even making a few awful puns at his team’s expense, though none of them seemed to care. They were all glad to hear something lighthearted coming from his mouth again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were at match point, the other team trailing four points behind and seemingly losing steam after each rally. The only one that never seemed to run out of fuel was Nagawara. His stamina was unmatched as he sprinted the length of the net again and again in any kind of attempt at getting past Tendou’s blocks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter his tactic, he could never seem to find a path that Tendou couldn’t already see. Between feints and crazy cut shots, Tendou’s eyes never left the ball. He never let it touch the floor unless it was far behind Nagawara’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the final point hanging in the balance, Nagawara ran in for a cross court shot and Tendou instinctively lined himself up with it. Before Ushijima could even process the change, Tendou’s arms were blocking out what would have been a perfect line shot given he hadn’t caught the way Nagawara’s body shifted ever so slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ball bounced across the floor behind where Nagawara was standing, hands closed into tight fists as he glared at the almost startling grin on Tendou’s face. It wasn’t just amusement or gloating at the victory. It was twisted with something Ushijima could only describe as malice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>monster,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Satori,” Nagawara snarled. “That’s all you’re ever going to be. A lonely, lonely monster.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though Ushijima’s instincts would never compare to Tendou’s, he’d learned enough about him in the two and a half years he’d known him to know when he’d finally snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After nearly 24 hours of gloom hanging over his head, nearly sending him into a panic attack at one point and possibly pushing him over that edge at a point that Ushijima hadn’t been there for, Tendou had finally had enough. The sadness and anger that must have been welling up in his chest, threatening to boil over at any moment, erupted in a fit of blind rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ducked under the next, hands balled into fists so tight his athletic tape threatened to snap around his fingers. Nagawara backed away from him so fast he nearly stumbled to the floor, only making the evil smile twisted at Tendou’s lips to widen. “You weren’t calling me that when my dick was up you ass, were you </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenichi?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima was under the net and wrapping his arms around Tendou before he could even draw his arm back enough to throw a punch. There was yelling around them, but Ushijima couldn’t hear over a sudden rushing in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were out the doors of the gym before he even registered what exactly had happened. Tendou was struggling against him, yelling just like the rest of the people still inside the gym. Ushijima slammed him against the wall, a hand pressing into each of his shoulders hard enough that he considered the possibility he might be hurting him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he was, Tendou didn’t show it. He was still fighting to get free. He grabbed Ushijima’s wrists, clawing at his bare arms to the point of leaving long, red scratches on his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me go, Ushijima!” he screamed, shoving against Ushijima’s chest. “He deserves a hell of a lot more than what I’m going to do to him. I said let me go!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His struggle didn’t falter, so neither did Ushijima’s grip. He pressed him firm against the wall, enduring all of Tendou’s punching, shoving, and scratching in favor of keeping him from doing something that might get him kicked off the team, or worse, out of the school. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare he say shit about me!” he yelled. He shoved at Ushijima’s chest once more, but clasped at the front of his shirt instead of pulling back to continue his struggle. He dropped his head back against the wall with a loud thud. “How could he say that about me?” His yell now had a quiver that left Ushijima’s heart feeling like there was a fist around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s bottom lip shook, and he stared up at the storm clouds above them. He was on the brink of tears, even with the anger still reverberating through his body. Suddenly, he was leaning forward and for a moment Ushijima thought he was trying to get away again. Instead, he just buried his face in Ushijima’s shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He ruined everything!” he screamed, voice cracking with tears. He kept his first in the fabric of Ushijima’s shirt, now shaking with the rest of him. “He fucked everything up! He fucked me up.” The last words were hardly above a whisper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima let his hands move from Tendou’s shoulder to wrap around his back, pulling him into a tight hug as Tendou continued to cry into his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re better than that. Than him,” he muttered into Tendou’s hair. “Whatever he did, it’s not worth your energy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate that I fell for it,” he choked out. “That I thought for even a moment that he felt the same about me. I’m so fucking stupid. I was just a quick lay for him and he was my first everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pieces were starting to fall into place in Ushijima’s mind. The way he’d gotten sad in the middle of practice the day before, right after Coach Washijou had announced the practice game against that team. The person he wasn’t sure he’d ever been in love with, but hoped that hadn’t been. Him asking if Ushijima was worried that the first years might have more against them than the other players. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way he’d told Ushijima not to waste his first kiss on someone who wasn’t worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His ignorance of your importance does not define you, Tendou,” he assured. “Just because you might have been naïve, does not mean that you’re stupid. It means you have a bigger heart than people give you credit for. You look for the best in people and he was no exception, but that doesn’t make you any less important or incredible or talented. You’re still you, with or without his influence in your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou pulled his head back to look up at Ushijima with bloodshot eyes. “I want to kick his ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll kick his ass,” Ushijima agreed, offering him the most genuine smile he could manage while seeing Tendou so hurt. “Together. On the court, just like we planned. We break the tie and you’ll walk out of here without a thing for him to hold over your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>H nodded. “You should spike a ball at his face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do my best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a long moment intended for both of them to compose themselves, they stepped back inside together, all eyes glued to them. Ushijima ignored the other’s gaze, leading the way to where Coach Washijou was sitting on his bench with anger knit between his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Satori,” he mumbled, raising his eyes to meet Tendou’s. His anger softened only slightly at Tendou’s ragged appearance. “I’m not putting you back out there until you can assure me that you’re not going to try anything like that again. You’ll be out of the gym for a week with another outburst.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou bowed. “I’ll be fine, sir. Won’t happen again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep an eye on him,” he said to Ushijima.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir,” he mumbled, taking Tendou by the elbow and dragging him back onto the court. “Bet I could make it look like an accident if I waited until about halfway through the set.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou looked up at him, surprised. “I’ll make sure he’s looking right at you when you do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to cause Nagawara any long-term damage, though the nosebleed did keep him out of the game long enough for them to pull out an eight point lead. With a smile on Tendou’s face that made the first drops of rain outside evaporate into nothing, Ushijima didn’t have an ounce of energy left to care about anything that wasn’t making that smile permanent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second he scored the final point against three blockers and turned to see his name slipping right out of Tendou’s open-mouthed smile, all of the worry and the stress he’d endured on Tendou’s behalf was almost worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though when they’d shook hands with the other team, bidding them a good game, Tendou’s high from winning seemed to be waning as he changed shoes and mumbled something about wanting to be alone for a while. Ushijima wanted to stop him, but a soft look from Semi told him not to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ghost of a smile still hung at his lips. There wasn’t anything to worry about. When the adrenaline from the match wore off, he’d be back to his old self. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thunder clapped in the sky not five minutes after Tendou left. It rattled the walls of the gym and made the lights rock on the cords attaching them to the ceiling. Not a second after, the downpour started, raining booming against the roof loud enough that they nearly had to yell to be able to hear one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Tendou’s absence was palpable. Ushijima would have rather watched him sulk on the bench forever than know he was outside in the pouring rain, the prospect of being struck by lightning feeling like all too real of a possibility. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re worried about him, you should go tell him that,” Shirabu commented. “It’ll probably make him feel better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wants to be alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tendou never wants to be left alone for long. He likes being near people as often as he can. He likes being near </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> as much as he can. I think getting your attention is like gas in a car for him. I mean, you never seem to give it to anyone else like you do him. He probably thrives off of that fact alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima frowned at Ohira’s observation. Half because he knew it was true and half because Tendou was still out in the rain, wanting to be alone but wanting to be alone with someone. With Ushijima, someone who was supposed to know him well enough to know when he needed his best friend around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and pulled on his jacket while the others watched. “I’ll go keep Tendou from being struck by lightning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Semi’s eyebrows raised in the slightest before he nodded and pat Ushijima on the shoulder. “You do that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima made it to the door, staring out at the sheet of rain pouring down all across campus. He sighed, stepping out into it and finding Tendou standing twenty meters away, arms hanging limp at his sides as he stared up into the rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to get sick!” Ushijima called through the rain. Tendou didn’t move. There was a high possibility that he couldn’t hear Ushijima through the sound of rain splattering across the ground and the roof of the gym. He got closer, calling out Tendou’s name but never seeming to make contact with him until they were less than a foot apart. “Tendou!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou jumped a bit, his eyes snapping open to let heavy raindrops beat down against them. He slowly tilted his head down so that he could look at Ushijima. His face was oddly calm for how bizarre he was acting. He looked at peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Toshi,” he said, his voice hardly audible over the rain. His hair flopped over into his eyes, it’s usual spikiness eaten away by the rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to come back inside. You’re going to get sick,” Ushijima repeated, wrapping his fingers around one of Tendou’s arms and pulling him towards the gym. Tendou stayed planted in his spot, as though the mud forming around his shoes had attached him to the ground. “Let’s go, Tendou.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Tendou said, pulling back only slightly. “That I let you and the team down today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima turned back to him. His hand didn’t drop from Tendou’s arm. He found that this was another moment where he wasn’t entirely sure what to say. He didn’t feel as though Tendou had let him down in any way. He’d simply reacted to a situation, righted himself, and gotten back into the game just like he was supposed to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told him that. Tendou’s eyes ran across Ushijima’s face as he spoke, searching it for a lie. Ushijima cast him a tentative smile that immediately mirrored on Tendou’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’re in pain,” he chuckled, holding up a hand to cover Ushijima’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am. I don’t like it when you’re sad, because I’m not sure how to help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s expression softened. “You always help, Toshi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could do more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lightning struck, drawing both of their eyes to harsh strings of purple light in the sky. Ushijima’s hand tightened around Tendou’s arm, pulling them slightly closer. He could feel the heat radiating off of Tendou’s body even in the freezing rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So protective,” Tendou laughed, running a hand up Ushijima’s arm. “I’m not going to get struck by lightning, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess, but the odds are really lower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima frowned. “I don’t like the risk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Tendou agreed, his face splitting into an amused smile. “We’ll go inside if it’ll make you feel better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think it’s dumb, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou shook his head. “I think it’s nice that you care. Most people wouldn’t, but you do, and I think that says a lot about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He patted Ushijima’s arm and pulled away, starting towards the gym. Ushijima couldn’t get himself to move. He stood, staring at the way Tendou’s jacket was sticking to his back and how his hair laid down flat like it did when he first woke up or just got out of the shower. He never liked people seeing his hair like that, though Ushijima had never understood why. He almost preferred it falling into his eyes and tucked behind his ears. It made Tendou look far less wild than he normally did, something only he got to see regularly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima felt something burning his throat, though it wasn’t worry this time. It was something he’d often felt while watching professional volleyball players pull off things he could only dream of. It was jealousy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Toshi!” Tendou yelled, running back up to him and almost slipping in the mud. “You’re the one who was so adamant about going inside and now you’re just standing-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima took his hold back on Tendou’s arm and pulled them together, bodies pressed flush against each other. Tendou’s eyes widened in shock and he opened his mouth to say something, but he either decided against it or Ushijima just couldn’t hear him over the rain and the blood pumping in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slowly moved his hands up to cup Tendou’s jaw, holding his head still. Ushijima swallowed, eyes traveling over the confusion on Tendou’s face. They shifted from the way his eyebrows were knitted to how his nose was bright pink from the cold, then to his lips, covered in water droplets much like the rest of his face, then up to his eyes, wide but calm, staring right back at him expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toshi…” he croaked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima’s lips were covering his before he could get another word out. Tendou hands gripped Ushijima’s waist, holding himself up as he leaned into the kiss. His lips were soft and wet from the rain. They were unsurprisingly warm, just like the rest of him. Despite initiating the kiss, Ushijima felt far out of his depths, letting Tendou guide it. While Tendou moved his lips against his, Ushijima was unsure of exactly what he was supposed to be doing with his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After what seemed like an unprecedented amount of time, Tendou pulled back, pressing his forehead against Ushijima’s, letting out short ragged breaths. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima nodded as little as he could manage so that Tendou didn’t pull their faces apart. His hands stayed cupped on Tendou’s jaw, rubbing his thumbs gently across the skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I don’t like other people seeing you with your hair down,” he stammered, feeling just as breathless as Tendou seemed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou raised a brow, one side of his lip quirking up in a smile. “You kissed me because you don’t like people seeing me with my hair down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t like other people seeing you with your hair down either, but you have it down a lot when it’s just us together and… I don’t know. I like being the only one that gets to see it like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jealousy is a fickle thing, my friend.” Tendou kept his eyes locked on Ushijima, breathing slowly steadying out, though they were so close their Ushijima could still see their breaths mixing in the chilled air between them. “But damn, does it look good on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks…” he muttered, hardly able to even comprehend what Tendou had said through the fog of excitement clouding his brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile that had yet to leave his lips dropped slightly, and Ushijima found himself mimicking the frown that spread across his face. “But Wakatoshi… you promised me you’d save your first kiss for someone special. Like less than twenty-four hours ago, you promised me that you wouldn’t waste it on anyone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima felt himself tense. His hands dropped from Tendou’s face and he pulled back just a couple of inches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said not to waste it on someone who doesn’t like me for me because they don’t deserve me,” he said, his voice wavering only slightly. “And you like me for me, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes, of course I do, but Toshi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I didn’t waste it. You’re the closest I’ve ever been to anyone, Tendou. Being around you is so easy even on your bad days, just because I know you and how you work better than I’ve ever known anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s face was tense with thought. He pulled his eyes from Ushijima’s, looking down at the mud covering their shoes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to ever have to feel the way you did with him,” Ushijima continued when Tendou didn’t speak. “Like you got taken advantage of. You’re worth so much more than whatever he wanted from you, and I- I want to be able to show you that. I don’t want it to be anyone else, even if they could make you just as happy. I want it to be me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t look up, though Ushijima could almost see a smile pulling at his lips. “That almost sounds like a love confession, Toshi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima swallowed down all of the insecurities he’d been battling and nodded. “I think it is. I’m still not really sure what love feels like, but I know that I don’t feel the same about anyone else on the team as I feel about you. I thought that was just because you’re my best friend, but I also didn’t think I’d ever wanted to kiss someone until I kissed you and now-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou finally looked up at him when Ushijima’s words faltered. He didn’t look sad or upset, but he also didn’t look like he was especially happy about Ushijima’s confession. He seemed confused.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now, what?” he asked, voice hardly audible over the rain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now I can’t stop thinking about kissing you,” he admitted. “Or holding you like last night. Or holding your hands. You’re so warm, it’s hard for me to stop touching you sometimes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reon isn’t warm enough for you, Toshi?” he asked, a teasing smile playing at his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I don’t really go out of my way to touch him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s smile widened. “I see.” The hands still resting on Ushijima’s waist wrapped all the way around his back, pulling him into a hug. Ushijima tensed for only a moment before he was wrapping his arms around Tendou’s shoulders and dipping his head to bury his face in his hair. “Warm enough for you?” Tendou asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought back to Shirabu’s explanation from lunch. About love feeling like he was being lit on fire. “I think you’re the gasoline… or the match? I still don’t really understand his metaphor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s chest vibrated against his as he laughed, bubbly and genuine, just like Ushijima liked it. “That’s okay. We don’t need a stupid metaphor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou pulled away, even though Ushijima wished he wouldn’t. The chill of rain and wind swept his body all over again. “We should go back inside… you know, before we get struck by lightning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Ushijima followed him all the way back into the gym where they were promptly yelled at by Coach Washijou for dripping water onto the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weather people say that it’s just gonna get worse for the next hour and by then everything’s gonna be flooded,” Shirabu said, looking up from his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got a weather app on your phone?” Tendou cooed, ruffling Shirabu’s bangs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry I like to know what’s happening outside when I’m gonna be out in it,” Shirabu snapped, flinching when Tendou started to shake his hair out like a dog. “Fuck you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s going to get worse, we should probably get back to the dorms pretty soon then,” Ohira said, and everyone nodded in agreement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When everyone had pulled on jackets and shoes they weren’t afraid of getting soaked through, the team stood in the open gym doorway, staring out into the downpour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last one there buys dinner for everyone tomorrow!” Semi yelled before sprinting into the rain with everyone on his heels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After slipping and taking a face full of mud, Goshiki was the last one to the dorms, looking like he might be on the verge of tears. Tendou pat his back and assured him that he didn’t actually have to pay for dinner the following night, which seemed to cheer him up considerably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone make sure to warm up!” Semi said before he and Shirabu disappeared down the hallway where their dorms were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink some hot chocolate or coffee or something to try to get your body temperature up,” Ohira said, following Goshiki down the hall towards the communal bathrooms. “Don’t turn on the shower water as hot as it’ll go though, or you’ll put your body into shock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he squeed. “That’s terrible!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou snorted a laugh and followed Ushijima to their dorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better?” Ushijima asked when they started to strip out of their soaked clothes. “You’re laughing a lot more than before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou nodded. “A bit.” He looked at Ushijima and grinned. “A lot. A whole lot better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima pulled out a couple of towels and ran one down his chest and through his hair a few times. “I’m glad. I hated every second you weren’t happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s cheeks darkened. “I know it. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima frowned and took the other towel to wrap around Tendou’s head and gently started to run it through his hair. “Why are you sorry? You had every right to be sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I made you sad too, and that’s never what I want to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was only sad because I felt like nothing I was doing was helping. Normally it’s so easy for me to make you feel better, or at least to give you time to feel better on your own, but it didn’t work this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou took Ushijima’s cheeks between his hands and gave him a soft smile. “I just needed more time. I thought I’d feel better if I hit him or won against him, but even after we won I was still pissed that I still had to look at his stupid face. I guess I actually just needed to be reminded that I can find love outside of him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima smiled and continued to work at Tendou’s hair, pulling the towel away when the loose locks of hair fell dry around his face. “Can we kiss again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you want to do,” Tendou said, leaning forward slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we definitely can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima met Tendou’s lips, but this time he wasn’t stupidly tense. He melted against the warmth of Tendou’s lips, mocking his movements until they were moving in a soft pattern against one another. Tendou’s tongue ran across Ushijima’s bottom lip and he shivered, tilting his head down to deepen the kiss further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou’s hand ran down Ushijima’s bare chest and gripped his waist while the other hand wrapped around his neck. His body arched into Ushijima’s, bare chest to bare chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima pulled back, breathing heavy. He stared into Tendou’s dark eyes for a moment, completely stuck on the fact that no one had ever looked at him like Tendou did and he never wanted him to stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You catch on quick,” Tendou said between deep breaths. “You’re gonna be really good at that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou nodded, laying one more soft kiss to Ushijima’s lips before pulling away and starting to look for clothes to change into. “Definitely.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll just have to practice more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou turned around to face him as he pulled on a pair of dry sweatpants. He gave Ushijima an amused grin, eyes traveling down his body after he’d finished putting on a fresh pair of underwear. “We can practice all you want. Maybe I can even show you a thing or two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A whole lot of things, Wakatoshi,” he said, crawling onto the bottom bunk and curling up under Ushijima’s blankets. “I think tonight I might just want to do a little more cuddling, if that’s okay? I’m feeling better, I really am. I’m just… tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima nodded and crawled under the blanket with him. He took Tendou around the waist and pulled him against his chest easily. Tendou relaxed in his hold, laying his head against Ushijima’s pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long day,” Ushijima commented. Tendou hummed in response. “I’m proud of you for getting through it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Toshi. Thanks for making sure I got through it when I didn’t think I was going to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima pressed a cautious kiss to Tendou’s shoulder, his skin burning hot against Ushijima’s lips. “I’m here for the good and the bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou was quiet for a moment before he looked back at Ushijima. “Will you tell me more about the plant you want to get for the dorm? I’m sorry, I fell asleep when you were talking about it yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to know more about the Anthurium?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if we’re going to have one, I should know about it, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima nodded. “I suppose so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tendou turned his head back and pulled the blanket up to his chin. “So tell me about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima began to explain all he could about it. From the size of pot it’d need at first and how big it could grow to, to the type of soil it would need. He talked for what felt like far too long and not long enough all at the same time. He could never tire of talking about plants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not even 8:00 when Tendou was asleep in his arms again. Even though Ushijima wasn’t nearly tired enough to force himself to go to sleep and he hadn’t eaten dinner, he didn’t dare move. Tendou needed all the sleep he could get after what must have been a truly emotionally draining day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel Tendou’s heartbeat against the palm of his hand where he’d rested it. It was slow and steady, a generic heartbeat of an athlete. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ushijima swallowed and moved his other hand to press against his own chest until he could feel his heartbeat strong against his hand. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, feeling the beats through his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took him several minutes to be able to mentally distinguish where one of their beats ended and the other picked up. Then he felt the beat of his own heart pause for a moment where Tendou’s continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They filled each other in and it continued this way for all the time that Ushijima kept his hands flat against both of their chests until the steady rhythm and the contentment in his body put him to sleep as well. </span>
</p>
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